New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
