Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
3pm strippers are depressing
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
