in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
