I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
