whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
