i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
