I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize