So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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