I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
