I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
