when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
