Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to cum in my sink.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
