Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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