I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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