As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The air taste purple.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
