Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
