what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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