You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I believe in your delicious
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize