Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just googled if crying burns calories
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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