Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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