How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
