and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The uberlube is also flammable
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
