party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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