i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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