sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also, beer. Big fan.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
