I wanna passion pit in your ass
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
