True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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