that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Congratulations! We have a period
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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