Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
