someone owes me an orgasm
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
