somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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