just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
