Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
