U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
