so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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