she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
