I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
