I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
