capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
