Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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