apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
