I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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