My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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