The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
