Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
pray to the hookup gods
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
