The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this boner is exhausting
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
