So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How's work?
Spinning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
