Umm I'm too high to move.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
