i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize