After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
