When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
