did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
