I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
