i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
