A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
