just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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