Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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