On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
