Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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