I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
