So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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