That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
