'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
