she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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