i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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