Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
