I wish I could punch you in the face.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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