It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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