The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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