thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
