in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
