First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
