Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
