best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
