i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
