they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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