So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
