Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
