If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
being pregnant is like rehab
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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