dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
