something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
