my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize