She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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