I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Im part way to drunk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
