And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My cat gives me a boner
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
