12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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