life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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