My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
