I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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