i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize