So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
