I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
foreskin is a definite game changer
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
