True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
