You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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