That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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