Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
