Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
