her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
3pm strippers are depressing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
