Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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