I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
