yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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