So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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