apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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